London and Claremont mash-up in Cape Town...with pathetic results

So this weekend I was (at the time) pleased to discover online that Cape Town's Mercury Live and Lounge--a mere 5 minute drive from my house holds School Disco night which is advertised as such:

Mercury SchoolDisco
“The Back to school party”

The Europe’s biggest party phenomenon has finally landed in Cape Town – SchoolDisco Picture 400 (lies, lies!) naughty urchins dressed up in school uniforms revelling to the tunes you first heard in your old school hall. Dig out your old school tie or sexy pinafore and prepare to revisit those classic times – your first snog, your first sly smoke and the first public appearance of your bedroom rehearsed dance moves. Get down to those unforgettable 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s tunes and those memories will come flooding back.

Strict Principal MacDougal and his tarty Vice Principle Miss Virginal will be on hand to administer justice to all the naughty “Pupils”. Prefects will be chosen on the night and they will give free reign to make the fellow pupils party in any way they see fit. Detention or a light spanking will not be ruled out.


Uniforms will be strictly enforced so it has to be a real school tie and a real pinafore. Of course imagination will rewarded so Catty Cheerleaders, Crazy Caretakers, Sexy School nurses and girls in gym shorts are more than welcome.


Upstairs at the Retro Assembly in the Hall/Saal the “other side of the playground gang” will be playing raucous rock anthems and plastic pop from the 80’s and 90’s.

In the Teachers Lounge kick back to the best of 60’s and 70’s

DJ’s The Nerd, The Bully, The Chaplain, The Janitor, The School Marm, & The Principal will set the groove!!

THE SCHOOL RULES
No SMOKING
No KISSING IN THE TOILETS
No RUNNING IN THE CORRIDORS
No CHEWING GUM
BIKE SHEDS ARE FOR BIKES ONLY
DRESS CODE: Styles that disrupt the education process or endanger students are prohibited.
- Pants,shirts & Blouses must not be excessively revealing
- Exposed undergarments or midriffs are not acceptable
- Tank or Tube tops must be worn with a shirt
- Skirts should below the knee
- Spandex clothing is permitted in P.E. Classes only
- No Body Piercing
- Sagging pants, Hanging chains, Sunglasses, Clothing that displays profanity, Violence, Drugs, Sexual Connotation, Alcohol or Tobacco are not Permitted.
- Excessive use of Hair Products is Prohibited
TARDIES: Students will be on the floor when the music begins or Detention will be assigned. Loiterers will be lynched
BEHAVE


Sounds cool, right? Well, you can say what you will, but I was excited. It was seemingly a blend of two of my favorite dance party memories, Pomona College's annual legendary flashback bash-- Smiley 80's and School Disco in London--an unforgettable night in 2003 replete with striped ties, two of my favorite girls, an overbearingly regrettable Albanian dalliance, and a weary double decker bus ride home. In fact, it was close when it came to the music, though it was spun, as opposed to belted out by cheesy cover band with bad wigs. But the crowd was mightily disappointing, filled with young dorky kids with awful hair and socially awkward dispositions. My friend and I were probably the hottest people there, which isn't saying much I assure you.

Still, with our usual elan, and spurred on by the nostalgia-inducing sounds of the B 52's, A-Ha, Eurhythmics, Madness, and Toni Basil among others, we tore up the dance floor to great effect.

But it was a sad reminder that trying to recapture old memories and re-live them hardly comes close to the unexpected bliss of the original. Spontaneity beats contrivance any night. The time slips right through my fingers as I search the nooks and crannies of Cape Town's club scene for the elusive unforgettable, knowing it is nowhere to be found.